


Who we are

by reclusiveq



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Banter, Birthday, Coming Out, Dancing, Fluff, Fondue reference, Friendship/Love, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Pre-Serum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 16:39:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1864941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reclusiveq/pseuds/reclusiveq
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Bucky comes home beat up, Steve is left to wonder why. His search for an answer will reveal a truth his friend may not be ready to share.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who we are

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Кто мы](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5381354) by [Heidel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heidel/pseuds/Heidel)



Steve pulled the still bubbling soup off the stove, taking care not to burn himself on the metal. The food wasn't much, but it would fill their stomachs. Steve had even managed to get his hands on a tiny bit of meat, though it was mostly potatoes and cabbage. Either way, it smelled delicious and Bucky was worth the expenditure. 

His friend had been working hard lately, putting in extra hours at the garage where he worked, in exchange for a certain motorcycle his boss had promised him. It had been for sale, but nobody had bought it, so after a few months of no offers, his boss had promised Bucky that if he put in some extra hours for free for a while, the bike would be his. 

That meant Bucky wasn’t home much and when he was home, he usually looked exhausted. In the past few weeks, he had only gone out once - last night - and even then he’d come home earlier than Steve had expected, looking even more tired, a shadow in his eyes that Steve had not seen before. He’d gone straight to bed before Steve could ask any questions..

Steve, of course, was worried he’d been working too hard, but Bucky never complained about the work. They had an old cigar box hidden away with their savings in it. It wasn’t that they had a lot of savings - most of their money went to food and rent - but the little they had was stored up for a rainy day or emergencies.

But Bucky had really wanted the motorcycle. He’d told Steve that when he got it and fixed it up, he wanted to travel across America with his friend. Steve could hardly argue that getting out of Brooklyn would be nice. He really wanted to see the Grand Canyon himself.

Steve hummed along to a song on the radio, and danced a bit as he set the table. Today was Bucky's birthday and while they couldn't afford any major party, Steve had made him dinner at least. He’d also drawn Bucky a picture and wrapped it in brown paper. It was a simple picture of the two of them on the motorcycle. Steve hadn’t actually seen the motorcycle himself, having never been to the garage, but Bucky had described it well.

The door to the apartment opened and Steve looked over at his friend. His smile vanished in a second. "Bucky, what the hell happened to you?"

Bucky gave him a lopsided grin that was marred slightly from the huge bruise on his cheek. His clothes were torn and dirty. "It's nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Did someone say something about me again?” That was the usual cause of Bucky looking like he’d been run over.

“Naw. Just had a bit of a tumble in the streets,” Bucky said, shaking his head.

Steve frowned. While it was true that Bucky could be a little clumsy (a secret not many people knew), this was obviously more than that. Steve had been beat up more than once. He knew the difference between tripping and getting slammed into a wall. If Bucky had gotten beat up on Steve’s account…

It wouldn’t be the first time Bucky had gotten into a fight over Steve, but this felt different. Worse, almost. Steve walked over and reached out to help his friend. As he got close, he realised what seemed off. Bucky was still in his work clothes. Bucky, who was very careful about his appearance, always changed and cleaned up before he left the garage. Yet here he was, still in his work clothes, hair plastered to his head, bangs in his eyes, and sporting grease, dirt, and blood all over.

“Dinner smells delicious,” Bucky said. “Let me get cleaned up.”

“Bucky…”

“I said don’t worry about it. Just give me a second to get cleaned up.” Bucky turned and made his way slowly into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. The sound was loud in Steve’s ears.

He paced a bit, waiting. Bucky was taking a little too long, so Steve went to the door. “Bucky, do you need some help?”

“I’ll be out in a minute.” Steve could hear the barely concealed pain in Bucky’s voice and pushed the door open stubbornly. His breath caught. Bucky was sitting, stripped to his underwear, on the edge on the tub. The sight of him sent shivers through Steve, but he pushed those initial thoughts to the back of his mind. He wasn’t sure Bucky would appreciate them. While Steve had long ago accepted his own leanings towards both genders, he was well aware that most people didn’t accept it.

Bucky stared back at him, halfway through cleaning a cut on his scalp, guilt and annoyance written on his face. He was even worse off than Steve had guessed at first. Almost his entire right side was black and blue, and what Steve had thought was sweat plastering his hair to his head was actually dried blood. “I said I’d be out in a minute,” Bucky said weakly.

“This is more than just a tumble, Bucky. If you won’t tell me what happened, at least let me help patch you up. You’re always helping me, so now it’s my turn. And my mom was a nurse. I know a thing or two about first aid.”

Bucky sighed, then nodded, dropping his hands to his lap. “All right.”

“Thank you. Now where all are you hurt?” Steve treated each of the areas as Bucky pointed them out, not saying much. He wasn’t meeting Steve’s eyes, hunched over slightly and looking at the floor. Steve didn’t push him for more information either, just trying to be gentle as he helped his friend.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to work for a couple of days,” Bucky said, apologetically. Steve was struck with a desire to hug Bucky, but ignored it.

“It’s okay. I’ll go down there tomorrow and let your boss know.” Steve placed a reassuring hand on Bucky’s shoulder instead.

“No, you don’t have to do that,” Bucky said, almost too quickly. “I mean, they don’t have that much work anyway, so the boss will be glad to save some money.”

Steve wasn’t stupid. He could put the pieces together. Whatever had happened had happened at the garage, and either his coworkers or the boss himself was involved. Steve stood up. “Let me help you get your clothes back on, then we’ll get you back to the table so we can eat your birthday dinner.”

Bucky shook his head quickly, not moving from his spot. “I can get dressed myself,” he insisted. He hadn’t moved his hands from his lap and Steve wondered about that, but decided it couldn’t be what he was thinking. Bucky wasn’t like Steve; he probably just wanted to preserve what was left of his pride. He rarely needed help like this. “All right.” Steve stepped out and leaned against the wall.

Dinner was as good as he’d thought and Bucky was in much better spirits after eating it. They avoided the topic of his injuries, sticking to safer territory.

“Steve, how the hell did you get this beef?”

“Did a favor for the butcher. Couple errands, since his normal runner was out sick. How’s that for ironic? Couldn’t afford to pay money, so he gave me some of the more fatty bits of meat.”

Bucky laughed and the sound made Steve relax. “How was your date last night?"

Bucky looked a little flustered at the question. “It was nice. We went to a new bar.”

Steve smiled. “Did you do more than dancing?” He was curious. Bucky didn’t normally act like this with a new girl.

Bucky became suddenly deeply interested in his food, and Steve wondered how far they’d gone. He wasn’t jealous. He did like Bucky, but he knew Bucky preferred women. After all, he was always going out with them. Steve let the topic drop and gave Bucky his present instead. He’d tease Bucky about it later, when his friend was feeling better.

~~~

There had been plenty of time to get upset as he tried to sleep the night before. Bucky was stoic, but as he'd shifted in the night, his painful breaths had carried to Steve's bed. Bucky was dealing with the injuries with his usual stoicness, but every now and then, Bucky had shifted and Steve had heard the sharp intake of breath that accompanied painful movements. He was in a lot more pain than he was showing. 

When morning came, Steve made sure Bucky was comfortable. He didn’t want Bucky pushing himself with his injuries. “There’s still leftovers, so we can just eat that for dinner. I’ll put in some more work with the butcher. I’m sure he’s got more errands to run.”

“Take care of yourself, okay?” Bucky told him, settling himself onto the couch with a book. He didn’t look up. 

“I’m not the one that looks like a blueberry,” Steve shot back. “You take care. I’ll be the dough earner today.”

“Going to the wrong job then,” Bucky teased, glancing at him over the back of the couch. “If you want to earn dough, you should be working for the baker.”

Bucky dodged the rag Steve threw his way and laughed. Steve grinned and hurried out.

He hadn’t been completely lying. He was going to run a few more errands for the butcher, and maybe even see if he could get some actual paid work. They had enough savings to last them for a short spell, and even if all Steve earned was food, that would still help, but eventually they would need actual money. Before he did that though, Steve was going to the garage to find out the truth about what had happened. The garage wasn’t far from where they lived, and Steve didn’t think it would take too long.

He paused in front of the building to eye a motorcycle sitting just outside the doors. Steve recognized it as the one that Bucky had described, but if it was the same one, Bucky had downplayed the amount of work that needed to be done. No wonder no one had wanted to buy it. The chrome was rusted, the front wheel had a bent rim, and Steve was no expert, but he was _pretty_ sure the exhaust pipe probably should be pointed at that angle. And that was just what Steve could see.

Steve tore his gaze away from the bike and stepped into the garage. He found himself assailed by the heavy smell of grease and hot metal. Wiping his hand across his nose, Steve’s chest clenched up. He concentrated on slow breathing, not wanting to have an asthma attack now. “Hello?” He called out, hearing some men working in the back.

A bearded, burly man came out of the back, wearing grease-stained coveralls and looking generally annoyed. He towered over Steve, but that wasn’t hard. Everyone towered over Steve. He looked the imposing man over quickly, checking for anything that might indicate a recent scuffle, but aside from a few scrapes on his knuckles, there was nothing. Maybe Steve was wrong and the fight hadn‘t happened here. Either that, or he hadn’t been involved. Steve had no idea how many mechanics worked here. 

“Yeah?” The mechanic’s voice was harsh and gruff, cutting through Steve’s thoughts..

“I’m a friend of Buc…. of James Barnes,” Steve said, correcting himself. The man might not know Bucky’s nickname. Steve thought quickly. He didn’t want the man to know why he was really here. “He got hurt pretty bad yesterday and he won’t be able to come in to work for a few days.”

“Good riddance. You tell that fag he can find somewhere else to work. He’s not welcome back here.”

Steve was taken aback by the vehement tone. “What?” He asked stupidly. Of course, Steve knew what the word ‘fag’ meant. He’d had it hurled at himself more than once, but never at Bucky. 

“You deaf, kid? He’s fired.”

“But… Bucky’s not gay.” Even as he said it, Steve knew how weak it had come out. He had only assumed Bucky was straight because he’d only ever dated women.

The man threw his head back, roaring with laughter, and a few of the other mechanics came up to see what the joke was. They all eyed Steve with a certain amount of disdain, something Steve was used to. Steve noticed none of them bore any signs of a fight. Either Bucky hadn’t fought back, or these weren’t the guys who beat him up. Given the way these guys were reacting, Steve suspected it was the former, but he had trouble accepting that.

“Not gay?” The boss (Steve knew it was the boss by now, though he couldn’t remember the man’s name) shook his head. “You don’t know him very well, do you? We caught him coming out of a special bar in Greenwich Village with another man. You best stay away from him, kid. And tell him if he comes back here, we won’t go easy on him again. And he’s not getting my motorcycle.”

They all disappeared into the back again before Steve could collect his thoughts properly. His cheeks grew hot as he realised the implications. Everyone knew Greenwich Village, and the things that went on in that neighborhood. What these men were implying... Bucky - sweet, charming, smiling Bucky - had gone to a gay bar, and his boss had caught him and beaten him up for it. 

Steve grew angry and clenched his fists at his side. He considered going after them and saying something, but then he thought of Bucky. Steve would have to find a real job until Bucky was healed. If Steve got himself hurt, he knew exactly what Bucky would do. Bucky would ignore his own wounds and get up and go look for a job, just like the stubborn ass he always was. No, Bucky had always taken care of Steve and it was time for Steve to do the same for his friend, quietly.

Well, mostly quietly. Steve looked at the bike. Bucky had wanted it so badly, but now he would never get it. Swallowing, Steve walked over to it and grabbed the handlebar. He tested the weight and found it was heavier than it looked. Steve wasn’t physically strong, but he was angry and if the motorcycle just happened to fall over and get damaged in the process, well…not like he was strong enough to stop it… 

~~~

He got home that evening and found Bucky reheating the leftovers on the stove. He was looking a lot better now, and under the kitchen light, Steve was struck by how handsome Bucky was, even beat up. Could he even think about that? It wasn’t as though they lived in a straight neighborhood. Steve knew the two women upstairs were sleeping together, and how many others went out at night dressed in drag? So wasn’t as though the idea would shock Bucky, especially given what Steve had been told. But if that was the case, why would Bucky hide it?

Steve looked at his friend for a long moment, and ran a hand through his hair before sitting down at the table. “Bucky, are you gay?” Steve was surprised at himself for being so direct, but he had to know.

Bucky turned and blinked, surprised by the question. His brow furrowed in confusion, then Bucky frowned. “You went to the garage. Dammit, Steve, I told you not to go.”

“I had to know the truth,” Steve protested. “I heard you last night. You were in a lot of pain. Did you even fight back?” Bucky didn’t answer. Instead he just looked away and shrugged, confirming Steve’s guess. “You always fight back, Bucky. Every time someone has ever harassed me or someone at school, you always fight back. Why not this time?”

“Because it wasn’t worth it,” Bucky answered simply. “

“Not worth it? Bucky, it’s always worth it. You got to defend yourself.”  
“No, I need to defend you.” Bucky suddenly blushed, as if he’d said too much. He took a deep breath. So now you know. Want me to leave?”

“Of course not. It’s not like you’d get judged in this neighborhood, and that’s because it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I mean, I’ve known I like both men and women for a while.” 

Bucky turned back to face him, surprise and appreciation written on his face. “Really? Both?”

Steve gave his friend a warm smile. “Sure. I mean, I don’t flaunt it. Besides, nobody wants a skinny runt like me anyway,” he joked. “So who would I tell?”

Bucky took a deep breath and walked over to the table, sitting down. “I wasn’t sure before I went out the other night. Remember Susie?”

“Susie Fontaine? That was who you went out with?” Steve was impressed. That girl had never accepted a date with any man.

“Yeah, turns out she’s into women. I was just doing her a favour. She had a date with another girl from school, but she couldn’t get out of the house by herself. Her dad would have beat her if he’d known what she really wanted. So I went on a ‘date’ with her to that bar. I wasn’t really expecting to get hit on, but a guy asked me to dance and I figured what the hell. We didn’t just dance, we… fondued.”

Steve whistled. Fondue was their code word for sex. Bucky had chosen it back when they were teenagers because his siblings asked a lot of questions. Neither of them knew what it really meant. Bucky said he read it on a flyer and it sounded like that’s what it meant. But it allowed them to talk and joke in hearing range of Bucky’s sisters without having to worry about explaining the birds and bees to them.

“Did you like it?”

“Yeah, I mean a little. It was fun anyway. I think I would have liked it more with someone I actually cared about. But he was good and we were safe.” 

Bucky was still blushing a bit, so Steve reached over and rested a hand on his shoulder. “That’s okay, Bucky. Nothing wrong with it. Those jerks at the garage just don’t get it.”

“Not sure I do either,” Bucky said, running a hand through his hair, then wincing as it pulled on the cut.

Steve smiled and stood up. He walked over to the radio and turned it on, then came back and grabbed Bucky’s hand, pulling him up. “There’s nothing else to understand. It’s just who you are. And you shouldn’t have to stop being who you are just ‘cause someone doesn’t like it. Now dance with me.”

“Dance with you?” 

Steve laughed at the confusion on Bucky’s face. His request did seem pretty random, but really he just wanted Bucky to forget what those men had said to him. “Yeah. Come on. You can’t dance with other men, then not dance with me. It wouldn’t be fair. Besides how often do I get to dance?”

The corner of Bucky’s mouth twitched. “All right.” He maneuvered Steve over to a bit more open space, then caught the next beat of the music, spinning Steve around. The music was a lively tune, meant for a faster sort of dance. Steve was grinning like an idiot as Bucky let go of his own worries, laughing as they leapt and spun around the living room.

Bucky took a side step backwards, tripped over the leg of the coffee table and fell onto the couch with a grunt, taking Steve with him. Steve landed on top of Bucky, still laughing. Bucky was grinning like a cat, even though he must have been in some pain. His eyes were closed, chest heaving from the workout. Steve watched him for a moment, then leaned in and kissed him suddenly.

Bucky opened his eyes in surprise and looked at Steve. Steve met his gaze, not embarrassed or ashamed in the slightest. He smiled. “Too much all at once?”

Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve and held him close. “No, not too much, but… You know you set me off, right?”

Steve laughed. “Is that why you kicked me out of the bathroom yesterday?” He only laughed harder as Bucky blushed. “Well, that’s okay. I can think of a better birthday present to give you now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Never been more sure of anything.” He leaned down and kissed Bucky again. Even if it was just one night, it was worth it to see Bucky really, truly happy for once.

**Author's Note:**

> Star Spangled Exchange contribution; This was fun to write, and I had a headcanon that while Bucky would fight hard to protect others, there were times when he just wouldn't fight back for himself. Thanks to [janto321](http://archiveofourown.org/users/FaceofMer) for being my temporary guinea pig... I mean beta. Also thanks to my writing circle SHJW* for being supportive.


End file.
